“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” –Albert Einstein
I normally don’t write about topics beyond fashion and style on this blog but felt somewhat compelled this time around. Over the past few months I’ve been thinking a lot about regrets – my own, others’, how they can positively or negatively affect you, and even whether you should carry them in the first place.
Let me put this in context: I was having lunch with a friend/colleague the other day, someone I’ve known for a few years now and had hired for various jobs in the past. She’s smart, stylish, talented and an all-round lovely person so I was rather looking forward to sitting down together, especially after we had said we would so many times before and just never found the time to make it happen.
And so it was that I went to meet said friend who unfortunately, managed to show up almost 15 minutes late (something this perennially-late person would never begrudge). But as we were catching up I could see how distracted she seemed. There was a lot of checking her phone for messages, rushing through the meal, requesting the bill before dishes were cleared, asking questions whose responses were heard but not listened.
I guess that was the part that bothered me the most. You can tell when someone’s not really listening or attentive to what you have to say, and not seeing the person you are. It’s subtle and somewhat indescribable, but you know it’s there. And it’s awful.
Listen, I completely appreciate how frantic, rushed, and overscheduled people. These days everything seems to happen at once and everything is urgent All. The. Time. That said, there’s a fine line between being ‘crazy busy’ and embracing it as your identity. The oft-uttered phrase, “I’m so busy,” is delivered as a simultaneous lament and brag—one to be interpreted as both “I wish I could cut back” and “I’m in such high demand.”
Perhaps due to Instagram’s FOMO-inducing feed, smart phones making us available to everyone around the clock, and the Internet’s ever-looming #ICYMI culture, the feeling of having too much to do and not enough time to do it is epidemic. But with it an unspoken competition has arisen: Whoever does the most stuff wins. It’s obnoxious and nauseating and it’s why I made the decision last year not to utter it anymore.
I’m trying to get in the habit of being mindful of moments. I’m learning to slow down, to put 100% focus on whatever it is that I’m doing, to not multitask as much and, when I’m with someone, to truly be engaged with them.
If I’m being honest with myself, I’m less annoyed by the fact that this friend acted in this manner as much as I could see and recall how often I did it to others. It’s a regret I have (one of many I would add to the list) and I wish I could get her to see and understand it in her own right. Not to get too Oprah on you but all people really want is to be seen. It’s not a lot to ask. And regardless of whether you’re friends, acquaintances or colleagues, as a person – as a human being that is wired for connection – it seems to me is the very least you can give.
Afiya Francisco of The Style House is an editor whom I’ve had the good fortune to know for several years now. She’s smart and stylish but more importantly, she’s one of those people that radiates love and light and a real authentic warmth. She’s also drop dead gorgeous. So I was stoked to hear she was launching an online magazine and wanted to include yours truly in it. The whole issue is themed on minimalism so I went for looks that whispered (think Theory and Club Monaco) whilst maintaining my love of shine and glitter in the form of accessories and bijoux.
I kinda loved this portrait shot that photographer Anna Lisa Sang snapped of me, which is saying something since I generally loathe having my photo. As for the other pics, a note to self though: wearing suede culottes one size too big will actually make me look like a blimp. Alas… you can check out the full guide here.
“They’ve done studies where they’ve written ‘hate’ on water and the molecules in the water have changed. But if you write ‘love’ on the jar that the water is in, the molecules change [differently]. Don’t ask me how or what, but it’s just a reality. There’s power in that word. I think that we put on clothes every single day to express ourselves and I just want people to be able to express themselves in a very stylish yet comfortable and unique way. And whether they know it or not, they’re expressing love.” – Ellen DeGeneres via Women’s Wear Daily
“…we’re people. We buy with our heads, but most of the time we buy with our hearts. We need more beauty. We need more emotion. We need more collaborations. … And lastly, we need maybe to love each other a little more.” –Alber Elbaz via The Cut
“I don’t feel like Olivia until I put the shoes on. Shoes define how you walk in the world and how you stand, like: what is your posture in life?” –Scandal’s Kerry Washington to the Edit